So it’s with us, or not, as the case may be. I refer, of course, to Swine Flu, and all the doom laden experts have been queuing up in the Press and the Media to predict the end of the world as we know it. Pandemic is a word tossed lightly around, and it’s coming to a neighbourhood near you! Professors of dubious provenance, as dry as sea biscuits and whose sense of humour was surgically removed when they collected their PHD, drone on interminably about Armageddon, it’s very depressing stuff.
My family and close friends tell me I’m like a fine wine, I don’t travel well, but if I were to foray into foreign parts, I doubt if
To beat the remorseless spread of Swine Flu, we are being enjoined to observe even the most basic standards of hygiene whilst in public places. It’s a sad indictment of homo ignorans that we need to be reminded about the dangers of free range sneezing, coughing or gobbing, or washing our hands after visiting the lavatory, or resisting the temptation to scratch our bottoms, or pick our noses. We are also advised to avoid unnecessary bodily contact. With whom, pray? “Sorry, darling, not tonight!”
I was visiting a client in prison the other day. He proffered his hand for me to shake, and I declined. “Swine Flu,” I explained. He recoiled in horror. “Have you got it?”
With all this publicity, nobody, least of all the ‘dry as a sea biscuit’ professor, is telling me what are the symptoms. The best being offered is that the symptoms are akin to ordinary flu, but then, as I have never had ordinary flu, this doesn’t help. I have had influenza, a better class of malady altogether, but never the ‘flu’.
Finally, some elements of the Media are searching for a better and more socially acceptable epithet for Swine Flu. I agree, so why not Porcine Influenza? If you’re going to die, then die with dignity.